[Health] Is this CSR? How much should i panic?

[Madcat207]

I don't believe I'm doing this.

I see similar issues in beer, yes I said beer.  I teach a Beer Studies class for a hobby.  Many in the class go on to become Beer Judges (I know, but someone has to do it) and we concentrate on beer styles (I serve about 200 different beers in class).  The hardest thing to understand is that Beer Style Guidelines (compare to the reference EKG that you are referring too) are just that, guidelines. Variance is expected and not adhering precisely to the guidelines does not make it a bad beer, or out of style for that matter.  What it does is make it an individual, a unique beer, just like each of us are individuals each being unique.  Rarely is it that any of us exactly match the template that is the Medical Center Line of typical.  There is no cookie cutter that we all fit into.

This is why we at the Apnea Forum treat everyone as individuals, each with their own variances, and help to solve issues and problems especially when you fall into the cookie cutter of modern medicine.

In my hobby we have a saying, "Relax, Don't Worry, Have a Homebrew" 

it really applies to all things in life.

Fred

Despite you worrying about the metaphor, i know and respect exactly what you are saying.  A big part of my problem is that i look at everything in the cookie cutter fashion - if i don't fit this exact norm (or worse, only what i perceive as the norm), i expect something is wrong.  My EKG - certain peaks aren't as high as others, or the graph itself seemed less defined than others online.. must be a problem. Tiny little bumps and dots here.. is that an issue? 

My apnea - i imagine that everyone else has amazing perfect graphs, and that when i do see a disruption or a pause, it must be a problem.  Its not rational (as Timur also quite correctly notes), but it is the nature of the beast.

Madcat,

I am so familiar with what you describe, and think it might be  a type of obsessive compulsive behaviour caused by anxiety. 

I compare it to being infected with a virus  that never quite goes away, but flares up intermittently. Unless someone has experienced health anxiety it is hard to understand how utterly overwhelming it can be, and as you say no amount of logic seems to help counter the irrational fear and anxiety. 

You are still young (34) and I hope that you can treat it so that you enjoy many years ahead, and really live life to the full.

Timur-

It feels so comforting to know somebody else truly understands this (and yet, i feel so sad that anyone else has experienced this waking hell). You put it perfectly, that no matter how logical i am, i still feel the fear and worry. It feels very much like a dug in virus... it is horrible.

I am currently working on getting myself CBT, ideally, i would like to treat this naturally, as one less drug in my life is a good thing.  But its easy to get so overwhelmed when i see how long the road to recovery is (including my weight and self esteem issues).

I really thank you for your kind words.  Every day is a struggle, but one i want to beat, god willing...