HELP FOR MY HUSBAND!

[helpformyhusband]

I need help!! My husband is overweight (we both are), and has terrible sleep apnea! I don't get a good night's sleep, because I am too worried about him! Not to mention that when he gasps for air, it startles me, and wakes me up! He has never been to a doctor, and refuses to go, because he's afraid of what he's going to hear! He wants to buy a cpap off line, and try to figure it all out on his own! I am so afraid that he isn't going to wake up one morning! He is so stubborn, and he doesn't understand what this is doing to me, let alone, what it's doing to HIM! Please! I seriously need advice on how to get him to understand the severity of the apnea!! He is to the point where he holds his breath for 45 seconds at a time! (yes! I count the seconds!) I would appreciate ANY advice I can get!!

[PaulaO2]

Tell your husband you love him. Tell him you care about him. Then tell him that if he does not do something about this, that you will have to go elsewhere. That you cannot sit by and watch him slowly die. Because that is what he is doing. Various systems will start failing. Blood pressure will rise. The risk of cancer rises. His thinking abilities will get worse. All because he wouldn't care enough about himself to go to a damn doctor.

Stop him if he starts to ever talk about being tired. Or about how bad he slept. Or about whatever health ailment his untreated sleep apnea is making worse. Tell him to either go to the doctor or shut up.

Sure, he can buy an autoPAP online somewhere and use that to self-titrate. But will it be enough? He'll never know. If he has insurance, he should really get a full sleep study done. There might be other things going on.

In the end, no one can do this for him but himself. You can only do so much.

[zonk]

He wants to buy a cpap off line, and try to figure it all out on his own!

This is a good start as he seem want to do something about his apnea and some may choose this route of treatment than going through sleep lab but doing it alone is not advisable without doctor supervision. He can see the doc about being tested at home and then the doc would write the prescription needed to buy the machine. You can do for him so much but its up to him it take the first step as its said a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.....Best of luck

[big_dave]

He has never been to a doctor, and refuses to go, because he's afraid of what he's going to hear!

That sounds like me. I hadn't been to the doctor in 20 years, and I waited until my fatigue was unbearable and I was unable to work before I went to the doctor. I was afraid he would send me to the emergency room. I ended up with prescriptions for blood pressure and cholesterol, and a referral for a sleep study.

He wants to buy a cpap off line, and try to figure it all out on his own!

Bad, bad, bad idea. Make sure he knows about complex sleep apnea, which is caused by improper sleep apnea treatment, and is impossible to self-diagnose.

I am now out of work, and I am having to undergo sleep apnea treatment without the assistance of a home health care company (DME) due to a lack of insurance. I have found this to be a very complex research project, practically a trip down Alice's rabbit hole. (Whenever I think I have a good understanding of sleep apnea treatment, something unexpected turns up.)

[JudgeMental]

Sadly, nearly everyone on this board knows a loved one or a friend who has sleep apnea and is either in denial, stubborn, mule headed or just plain inconsiderately selfish . And thats just putting it mildly.

I know that you have told him privately and personally that you care, but sit him down in front of the computer screen and let him see and read this thread. It should show him that you care so much about his health that you have opened up your lives in search of help for him.

First and foremost, a prescription for a CPAP, from a Physician, will be required to purchase a CPAP from any ligitimate company. They can be purchased by other means, but I certainly don;t advocate the route that your husband has selected.

Perhaps your children, if there are any, or maybe he has a brother or sister, or close friend, that could help sway his mindset.

Sleep apnea is dangerous stuff, and it sounds like he is well aware of the consequences that sleeping without a CPAP may cause. A Physician is going to help him, not hurt him.. Yes, he probably will order a sleep study so that he/she can diagnose and prescribe properly. BUT ITS PAINLESS!! An the end result is that its going to make for a better life (maybe even longer) for everyone.
Good Luck in your efforts to seek help for you husband.

[BabyDoc]

Hopefully if he is trying to find out how to treat his sleep apnea, he will get to some websites like this one.
If he reads enough, he will learn that he has more to worry about than just sleep apnea, particularly if he is obese.
Hopefully he will learn that he needs to see a doctor to rule out other problems comorbid with OSA and obesity, including Type 2 diabetes, hypertension, hyperlipidemia, etc. These other conditions, untreated, are more serious than the OSA, which by itself, won't kill him. These other conditions can kill him, if he continues to ignore their possibility and only treats the OSA.

[CHanlon]

He has never been to a doctor, and refuses to go, because he's afraid of what he's going to hear!

That sounds like me. I hadn't been to the doctor in 20 years, and I waited until my fatigue was unbearable and I was unable to work before I went to the doctor. I was afraid he would send me to the emergency room. I ended up with prescriptions for blood pressure and cholesterol, and a referral for a sleep study.

And me. Same story. Only thing that might be different is that I *knew* I had sleep apnea for at least 5 of those years. It hadn't been diagnosed but the Google-Fu is strong in this one. I knew what it was, heck, I knew what it was the first time my wife said "you stop breathing..."

What should you do for your hubby? Get him to read this thread. We've all been there. We know, and some of us *really* understand his reluctance. We also all know *exactly* what he should expect if he has SA, and starts treatment. Everyone reacts differently, but all within certain parameters. We know the good and the bad, and we know what it takes to adjust to the masks, etc.

Some of us are even quite familiar with every reason to talk yourself *out* of getting treated.

[Dawei]

Some good thoughts from Paula02, big_dave and zonk, in my view. Fear of what the doc is going to tell your hubby seems easy to put to rest if he'll get off the stubborn bit for a moment. You have timed his non-breathing episodes at 45 seconds, and sleep apnea is defined as occurring when there is a minimum of 10 seconds of no breathing during sleep. So, there's no surprise there. It's also a sure bet (certainty) that the doc will also tell him he needs a sleep study to nail down the specifics of his apnea(s) before he gets CPAP equipment. There's not much to fear if he knows beforehand what he's going to hear. RE: the total DIY approach, I agree with what's been mentioned about the dangers of getting CPAP equipment online and "figuring out" what to do on your own. big_dave mentioned complex sleep apnea. I believe there are different possibilities under that heading. Experience talking with my pulmonologist demonstrated to me that one of his top concerns is the possibility of introducing central apnea by using a pressure that is too high for an individual. And that is most likely just one of the pitfalls that one can get into by not consulting with a doctor, at least to get started on CPAP. Hope these thoughts may help, at least a little.

[Sleepster]

I don't get a good night's sleep, because I am too worried about him!

He's not likely to die in his sleep because he's stopped breathing. So, please stop worrying about that. Try the best you can to get the sleep you need for yourself. You can't help him, or yourself, if you're not sleeping at night. You should tell your doctor about this and get yourself some help. You need it!

He wants to buy a cpap off line, and try to figure it all out on his own!

Well, he'd have to get a fully data capable CPAP machine, preferrably an auto CPAP machine, to even have a shot at making this work. He would then run the risk of it not working for him because some patients require more sophisiticated machines such as a BiPAP or a ASV machine. This is why the professional medical suppliers have policies that allow new patients to switch machines as necessary. And even before that happens they start with the type of machine that's most likely to work for the patient based on the doctors' diagnosis.

But then, he'll also have to figure out which type of mask to use. There are nasal masks that cover just the nose, and then full face masks that cover both the nose and the mouth. Nasal masks are preferred because they are easier to fit and less likely to leak. But, for some patients, full face masks are needed because of problems such as difficulty breathing through their nose, or inability to keep their mouth closed while sleeping. Sometimes a chin strap is needed to help keep the mouth closed.

You can see, I hope, that it's really not a good idea for him to proceed with this plan!

I am so afraid that he isn't going to wake up one morning!

Sleep apnea increases the risk of heart attack and stroke. So, it could happen. Please take PaulaO2's advice and be proactive about this situation. I think that if you follow her advice it'll help both you and your husband.

[big_dave]

And me. Same story. Only thing that might be different is that I *knew* I had sleep apnea for at least 5 of those years. It hadn't been diagnosed but the Google-Fu is strong in this one.

I was nearly certain I had sleep apnea, probably throughout my life. The big question on my mind was how many other diagnoses I would receive.

I was getting trouble for falling asleep on the job repeatedly. The only reason I was never injured on the job was there was nothing in my workplace that could have injured me, just a computer and a phone. My boss at that job is on CPAP, and he had been trying to get me to go in for a sleep study for over a year. I always had too many other things going on, and I kept putting it off. Luckily, I was able to file an insurance claim for my sleep study.