New Bed Partner - Disturbed Sleep

[DreamBreather]

Hello All,

I'm here reluctantly, (because I don't even know if this is a thing... or all in my head)... I've been on CPAP now for 9 months.  However, 3 months ago, I added a bed partner (before it was just me and my dog)... and 2 months ago... I noticed I started feeling, well... 'not as great' as I had been... checked my data one month ago and noticed a rather significant increase in my AHI... my events according to the data, have increased.  This isn't severe, still in the 'medically treated range'.  (Barely over 1.. ..but for the first 6 months it barely went over .50).  The numbers don't concern me as much; it's the side effects, the headaches, irritability, and sleep hygiene is out the window!

Has anyone else ever experienced this?  I find it hard to believe I could be that sensitive...  Also, I know I am now waking with every movement, and/or 'in and out' of the bed disturbances.  I didn't think I was that light of a sleeper, but I guess so.  AND, he snores... Ugh.... I've recorded him even... and asked him to get checked.  It seems to be going in one ear and out the other, but he has agreed to wear breathe right strips (for now), it's only been a few nights so far.

Do I make him sleep in the other bedroom?  This is funny, not funny... LOL!!  I NEED My Sleep... I suffered for years and I don't want to suffer anymore...  Please help...  any advice or suggestions welcome.  

PS:  I have a spare CPAP, he's put it on a handful of times, but only for about 2 hours each time because it stops/stuffs his nose up... (I personally believe he needs his sinuses drilled out, but that's a whole nother story).  He doesn't seem receptive to CPAP... even though he hasn't even been diagnosed, (we used the lowest settings and not auto) I just needed some relief!  but No luck!  Help!

I know I could be setting myself up for a lot of really bad and funny jokes, or lectures... Please hold them for another time.

PSS: I have woken up feeling like my CPAP is not on... feeling like I'm not getting any air... am I just used to the pressure or what?

[Big Guy]

I think most anyone will sleep better if they are alone and have the bed all to themselves.

I've been on a CPAP now for about 4 months or so. Prior to getting my CPAP, I was a heavy snorer. I knew it and felt bad for my wife, even though she said she pretty much got used to it over the many years of us being married. 

But, I am now a silent sleeper. My wife is amazed. Now, she's getting used to the quiet. Both of us are what I would consider to be light sleepers. Not so much though, that it's ever been an issue. 

Maybe you just need more time to adapt / adjust to sharing a bed again? If it's as bad as you suggest, maybe try him sleeping in another room, to see if you do indeed, sleep better by yourself. 

Other than that, I got nothing. 

[Gideon]

Let's see what your daily charts look like.  See the organize link in my signature so we get all the basic info, and yes I understand your number are awesome.

Does your partner appear to stop breathing at night?
Can you do the above for him?  Set the Auto up for a wide range 5-20 and no EPR or Flex.

Fred

[DreamBreather]

Big Guy,

Your response was helpful.  Thank You! I think you're right... I just may need to adapt, plain & simple.  Otherwise, it's gonna be 'get out'... LOL

[DreamBreather]

Bonjour,

I was really really trying to avoid doing all that (for myself).... Lol  Yes, I know it's helpful to you all...  the problem is... I don't know exactly what charts to put up, this has been going on now for 2 months.

I could probably put the few of his I already have up... I don't think I used flex or epr.. I may have to try to convince him to put it on again... oh boy..

Well.. give me a few days anyway... I'll be back, hopefully... with something to look at.

Thanks!

[Walla Walla]

Kick the bum out. You and the dog will sleep better.

[DeepBreathing]

Kick the bum out. You and the dog will sleep better.

I think that's a bit harsh, but there is a grain of truth in it. This is a test of your relationship, as much (or more) than it's about apnea. I presume there is genuine love and affection here, and he needs to understand that your health and well-being is being affected by his snoring. You can accommodate it only so far - after that he has to show that he is concerned about you and do what is necessary to preserve your health. If that means one of you moves to another room, or even moves out, that might be what it takes.

[Fats Drywaller]

Has anyone else ever experienced this?

Yes. It's not uncommon at all, and you're not being absurdly sensitive.

One ex-GF was stressful in that way for me, although this was long before my sleep apnea was so noticeable that I had to go for a sleep study and start on CPAP. She tended to want to cling, which (although it's obviously very nice in a lot of ways) I happen to be averse to with regard to restful sleep. So after a few months I was getting quite sleep-deprived, and one day while shaving I noticed in the mirror that I had huge purple bags under my eyes from that. At that point I said "Wait a minute; this isn't right."

Separate beds for sleeping can be not such a bad thing, depending on the individuals and the situation. That doesn't have to cause a lot of resentment, etc., although it can if you're not careful. I'm vaguely remembering an excellent quote from Lauren Bacall (I'm too lazy to look it up) in which she said something to the effect that men and women shouldn't really live together; they should live next door to each other and visit each other occasionally (or frequently; whatever works).

I'll also observe that anyone who might have undiagnosed sleep apnea should certainly go for a sleep study if insurance will cover it. If no such luck, then yes, try an APAP machine, post Sleepyhead charts here for commentary, and find out what's what. The choice of mask is a crucial point for initial, if you'll pardon the word, compliance. Unfortunately, you can't assume that any random mask that happens to be on hand will be workable. So it's the Big Mask Adventure all over again, this time for Person B rather than Person A.

[DreamBreather]

Kick the bum out. You and the dog will sleep better.

Hahaha!!! Walla Walla... Funny... I think I agree!

[DreamBreather]

Kick the bum out. You and the dog will sleep better.

I think that's a bit harsh, but there is a grain of truth in it. This is a test of your relationship, as much (or more) than it's about apnea. I presume there is genuine love and affection here, and he needs to understand that your health and well-being is being affected by his snoring. You can accommodate it only so far - after that he has to show that he is concerned about you and do what is necessary to preserve your health. If that means one of you moves to another room, or even moves out, that might be what it takes.

DeepBreathing.... YES.  I do believe he does understand... especially, now that I've come here for feedback... (He's probably thinking 'I better not make a peep, or I'm out of here'... another room).  Which I don't think he would have a problem with.  He is concerned and compassionate about my health.