Spouse not want to sleep with you because of the cpap?

[dorlow]

Ok, so I've tried about everything to not need a cpap ever since one was prescribed.  Got in shape and got braces to try to fix it.  One of my first sleep studies, the doctor that read my report said I had one of the worst cases he's ever seen.  About 2 years ago, I was trying everything I could to not need one but using it.  I went and got a sleep study and the doctor said my sleep apnea was there, but it was so low that most people that had my level of sleep apnea don't know they have it and never seek treatment.  So, he said I was OK to just not use it.

Well, a while back, I tried to get an increased life insurance policy.  One of the reasons I was denied was because I wasn't using my cpap.  So, I got to thinking a few weeks ago, it would be terrible if I died and left my whole family high and dry.  My wife makes nowhere near what I make.  They'd have to sell the house and their quality of life would be terrible compared to what it is now.  So, after about 2 years of not using it, I pulled it out of the closet.  I've been using it a few weeks now.

My wife has told me in the past, when I'm not wearing my mask, I rarely snore.  If I am, she just taps me and I stop.  My wife said to me this morning, ever since I started using the CPAP, I'm making tons of noises, moving constantly in my sleep and keeping her awake.  Isn't that exactly the opposite of what's supposed to happen?  I'm looking at my sleep scores in the my air app.  I'm consistently getting between a 91 and a 99 sleep score.  So, the mask is working and the sleep apnea events are low to basically none.  

I keep seeing these commercials about inspire.  But, I'm kind of scared of doing this.  I also have hydrocephalus.  I am double shunted.  They would have to run the wires under my skin going over or under these tubes.  If they mess them up, then I'd have to have brain surgery to fix it.  I haven't need a shunt revision in about 25 years.  I'd hate to mess it up now.  I asked my sleep apnea doctor about the shunts.  He looked and said he's very confident he wouldn't have an issue with the shunt tubes.  Still makes me very nervous.

So, I figure, even though how much I hate the cpap, it's the best option.  Seems like every other time I've done things to modify my body (LASIK (right eye now has a permanent really bad astigmatism) and braces (it really didn't help.... just burned $6,000)... seems like I always regret it.  And, if I'm having to go in for a brain surgery, I'll be really regretting it.  Especially if it doesn't take and I go back into the every year or so needing a revision like I did as a kid.  At least when I'm not using the CPAP, nothing has been changed to my body.  So, I think I'm coming to terms that I'm OK with it.  Just baffles me that I toss and turn.

Interesting story too... My dad has a cpap.  He talks and tosses and turns also at night and constantly making noises.  My sister had her boyfriend at the house sleeping over one night years ago (my sister is like close to 50... just visiting) and my dad was sleeping and her boyfriend got startled in the middle of the night.  He said he thought he heard a mountain lion (I think that's what he said.)  It was my dad making noises in his sleep while using his cpap.  Maybe it's just in our anatomy that it doesn't work for us???   Super frustrating.

One difference between my dad and me though is my dad loves the CPAP. He brags about how much he loves it where I spent years and a ton of money trying to find anyway to not need one. I went as far as getting fit and loosing 60 pounds and getting my bmi down to normal! (no surgery. just good old diet and exercise.) Crazy! No, I know it's good for me and I'm hoping I never go back weight wise.

[sunlight]

Hey, well done on the weight loss. That's really impressive!

Sorry I don't have enough experience to advise on your particular health issues but I'm also a noisy and active sleeper with a partner who is easily disturbed. What worked for me and my lady was changing to separate beds pushed together so that my tossing and turning didn't affect her, and she started wearing foam earplugs so that any noise I make doesn't bother her. Previously my snoring was low frequency enough to penetrate the earplugs but the murmuring or wheezing types noises I make on CPAP are higher frequency and get absorbed by the plugs. Just a couple of ideas. Good luck!

[dorlow]

With weightloss, diet.  Follow as close to paleo as you can.  All natural.  With exercise, CrossFit is the way to go.  I was down to 180 in 2018.  I decided to stop crossfit to save myself the $150 a month.  Gained 60 pounds over a few years.  I was up over 240.  I now made my own crossfit in my garage... spent probably over $10,000.  But, now I own it.  So, no excuses not to use it.  Out there most mornings at 5 am. But now I'm below 180... lower than I was at my best years ago.  Diet and exercise is the answer and free weights is way better than any of those machines you get at a typical gym.  Anyone can google WODs or WOD of the day to get an exercise to do.  Just FYI.

And the reason I spent about $10,000 wasn't to save money... it was because we moved. Before, a crossfit gym was 2 miles from my house. Now, where we live, there's one about 45 minutes away. I'm not driving 1.5 hours round trip every morning at 5 am.

You all can do crossfit at home and spend a fraction of what I paid. You just need a barbell, cheap dumbbells, some plates and few other cheap things to do about 70% of the exercises. And everything is scalable and subsitutable so you can make it work on the cheap.

[dorlow]

oh and i bought very small bowls and plates and I only eat from them which is a constant reminder of portion control

[cmpman1974]

Don't think Crossfit is happening here with two herniated lumbar discs, DDD, completely shot right shoulder, lumbar stenosis, etc. At least I saved $10k I guess.

[Sleeprider]

Dorlow, unfortunately you are using an old CPAP model that does not provide therapy data, and if you really want to make this work you're going to have to update to the Resmed Airsense 10 Autoset in place of the P.O.S. S9 Escape. You never got the good stuff, and you were never coached for success, so here's your chance, With the charts, we can identify if your therapy is working, and if it's not working well, we can tell you why. Same thing for your dad. If he has a machine that produces data, go swipe his SD card, import it to Oscar, and we can tell you why he growls at night...BTW, mountain lions whistle except in the movies. I'm serious. Inspire is intended for mild and moderate cases, and it's not going to do anything for positional apnea, which is most likely the majority of your problem. I'd love to help, but you're going to have to take the first step and get a machine from the current century that gives us some information. Meanwhile, try to find ways to avoid chin-tucking (excess pillows, fetal position, etc.) Lots of obstruction is nothing more than the obstruction of your airway caused by an excessive curve or tissue impingement.

[fishfinderG]

In addition to the great advice from Sleeprider, what got my wife to not get up and leave the bedroom was an air purifier turned up loud to act as a noise machine. It’s not so loud that it’ll damage our hearing, but it’s quite loud and completely masks my CPAP breathing and air exhaust noises.

A large and movement dampening mattress also helps.