Completely new, and in panic mode

[Fox66]

I really hope someone could help me here, to get a grasp of how to mentally deal with, well what i will describe. Im completely new to the forum, and have not received any equipment, yet (takes time where i am from), have diagnosed severe sleep apnea though (after one year of waiting time). Im filled with fear, anxiety and a lot more (have several psyc conditions, unfortunately, including severe fear om hospital, medical things etc.) so sorry if I do something wrong here, but I am in total panic mode, realizing my numbers, what that mean, how deadly it is, and maybe most of all, I am certain i have had this, undiagnosed, for about 25 years, or more. Ironically, in the past, the 90s, i worked as a chemist at a pharmaceutical company, with advance machines, interpreted numbers, setting etc. But now, with years of severe mental health challenges, all feels very overwhelming, seems you have to make it a full time job to manage your system (realize my view is distorted by my anxiety and panic disorders). It feel i have literary killed myself without knowing about it for all this time, due to me nevera have slept close to any person really, since 1997, thus never had anyone notice the apneas. All this years i have just believed  my fogginess, sleepiness etc was because mental issues. Have not really been able to look at values, i get panic attacks, but severe, the oxygen numbers scare me, a lot, i mean im 57, have been severely obese for 15 years. Got all kind of chronic severe illnesses slapped on me a year ago (after going 15 years not being able to have check ups, due to fear etc.), including a couple i now know apnea gives. I desperation and out of fear, i managed to lose 90 pounds in 3 month (ironically my background makes me extremely knowledgeable with nutrition, exercise etc.), i thought i had in some way "beaten" thins a bit, but now since a couple of week, the apnea sleep study results, completely floored me, mentally. I get stressed that my mental inabilities will make it very hard to manage the extreme efforts it seems to take to get the CPAP working, Im deadly afraid how much i have damaged, with my age and years of duration, it feels very very scary. I really wonder how any of you deals with this, have a positive outlook etc. for me it all seems very very overwhelming and a mountain too steep to climb (but one you must, or die). Sorry, again, if my way of expressing myself is not O.K, just have noone to talk to since diagnosis, and have been in very bad shape since then, mentally, and reash out here, honestly, in desperation. Any form of support how to deal with fear, the realisation of damage done etc. I hope to get back, after getting machine etc, in better state, but I have no clue how to even get that state. I have not taken a single breath sine pandemic without a mask, outside, and with the hospital fears and other things, the mask/system testing, im deadly afraid getting and dying of covid (with less than 90% o2, 50% time, dips to 70%, no idea, but can not be good). Just how do you more normal humans deal with the fear, health scary stuff, the overwhelming things that seems to be needed, to get things to work. How much heart damage is done. I want, and must be able, to be extremely compliant, but seems that's just a first step, even if things work, how deal with 25 years of damage. I feel terrified now everytime sleeping knowing what could happen any time, and have been able to happen many many nights. Again, sorry for messy post, hope you can forgive that, hope i have been able to convey something understandable, but i feel so very scared, all the time now, with this blow. I initially have, i guess the usual misunderstandings, didn't realise how dealy, that weightloss can (usually) fix, all stuff, its just very scary and depressing.

[Fox66]

I really hope someone can reply, anything, despite my messy long message.

[DudleyDoRight]

Your not alone in all this. I'm 58 wife has been waking me and telling me for 20 years to breath in the middle of the night (She's been my service person ).
I understand well how your feeling my AHI is 62 with 512 incidents per night.  Its scary.  You cant look back with the "woulda..shoulda..couldas".  Your taking the steps needed to correct your current situation.  It's a path and will take time to get it and understand it.  This forum has been very valuable to me. Lots of info I've spent hours searching and reading.

You got this

Zack

[OpalRose]

Fox66,


First off, take a few deep breaths and try to relax.  You are in a place many of us have been.  Although I have no idea how health care works in your country, but for some here even in the US, there is a wait between scheduling sleep studies, getting a diagnosis and receiving a Cpap.  

With that said, do you have a copy of your sleep study.  You can upload it here by using the attachment feature.  We would be happy to take a look at it.  

Attaching Images and Files on Apnea Board

Oh, and congratulations on the weight loss.  That will make a big difference.  

Take some time to read through some of the Wiki articles and read some of the other posts here.  

In the meantime, if you have a hard time sleeping, try sleeping on your side, vs. back sleeping.  Be sure you are not tucking your head into your chest when you sleep.  

As I said, do some deep breathing and try to stay calm.  You're not alone.

[Fox66]

Thank you for the supportive word, really, means a lot, have really spiraled down since sleep study result tre weeks ago. Will come back as soon as i possibly get a litter better with my mental state. I realize i was lucky to find this forum, though, very lucky.

[Fox66]

Thanks so much, i'm not, at all ready to even look at my results, yet (i fainted in a panic attack when i did first time), i have to recuperate and try to find a better mental state, but very much appreciate the warm welcome, really means a lot. I have a lot of problems processing, but will try taking some breath (i guess easier than when sleeping, without CPAP ;-)

[Dormeo]

You now have lots of people to talk with this about. When you (finally) get your machine, we can help you to get used to it and to make it as comfortable as possible.

Do you have any choice in what machine you get? If you do, see whether you could get one of the machines listed here:

https://www.apneaboard.com/wiki/index.ph...d_machines

That will enable you to use the Oscar software, which can provide people here (and before long, you) with a lot of insight into how your treatment is going. But if you wind up with a non-Oscar machine, don't fret.

There are complicated relationships between sleep apnea, on the one hand, and anxiety and depression, on the other. Over the years, I've seen posts from people who have found some relief from the symptoms of their mental illnesses via successful apnea treatment.

Knowing from what you've said how hard it is for you to help yourself, I really salute you for losing weight, getting a sleep test, and seeking out this forum. It sounds as though have set your foot on a good path forward.

[Deborah K.]

I'm so very sorry to hear of all your struggles.  You have been in a dark place for a long while.  I am praying that God will help you through all your troubles.  If you can, ask that your new machine be one made by ResMed.  They make the best cpap machines.  Many of us here have and love them.  You for sure do not want a Philips Respironics machine.  That company is in trouble for making poor machines.  Once you have your machine many kind people on this site will happily help you dial in the settings so that you can have much better sleep than you do now.  

I used to struggle with depression, so I know how isolating and horrible mental and emotional disturbances can be.  You can feel like your whole life is ruined, but it's really not.  With God's help, medical help, and emotional support from others, things can be much better.  I know this to be true, and deep inside I think you probably do too.  Sleeping better is important, and finally getting better sleep can help too. God bless you.

[Fox66]

Thanks a lot, i fully believe my mental stuff is partly because of the 25 plus eras of brain cell death from low oxygen, most definitely, so hopefully it gets a bit better (i also have a bunch from birth but that's another story), I will have to focus on mustering up courage just to go to get evaluated/machine/fitting, so no clue yet, but very likely i will get a Resmed 11, or maybe 10, seems to be the thing i my country, and i things they have all the capabilities, for the Oscar and stuff. I will have to take small steps, but feel more encouraged than i ever expected buy all the responses and welcome. That is very valuable. Ironically I used to work the entire 90s as a chemist in a pharmaceutical company with far more advanced machines, tweaking settings, analysing shart etc, but unfortunately that bonus is severely negated with all my issues nowadays. However, with your help im sure i might be able to get going with everything. I just work very weirdly. It seems some people attack the CPAP, realize importance, dive into all numbers etc. Others might not realise, or want to realise importance, throws it away, no interest in numbers. I will have to do some mix. When i managed to lose 90-95 pounds, in 3.5 month last summer, with raging undiagnosed apnea, and several other conditions, with major limitations due to mental stuff etc. I only managed buy realizing severity, accumulate knowledge (to be said, i have massive amount of knowledge in nutrition, exercise etc). But numbers, measurements etc, just works a lot against my psychology. I didn't measure anything, but with that i had a lot of knowledge, so... for the Cpap adventure to work i will somehow accumulate knowledge, but find a way to not go crazy looking at my own numbers all the time (just get severly triggered, have a major problems reading blood samples, values etc, just feels like death sentences). Well, let's se later on how to figure this out, bat again, really feels encouraging with the massive amount of experience here, it's like a one stop all s ethpfor verhing u possible seem to have to know to get thing functioning.

[Fox66]

Oh thank you so much, very warming word ! I'm pretty sure i will get the Resmed, seems to be in my nations shops, otherwise, being in europe, i will shop for one and pay for it (we have fully tax payment health care, so no direct cost, but seems you for some reason within EU can buy machines etc, without any recipe). Ironically i have a background (also) in telecom, It etc. so once would have no problem with the tech, but my mental stuff have made me quite "stupid" i guess.  A catch 22, but maybe, after not sleeping for 25 plus years, i will get a sharper brain with the machine. I have really gotten the capability thing, it seems crucial. Soon i will look at the wiki and around here to se in what order and what steps to take, but i need to figure out how to navigate around my issues, so i probably will do thing i weird order ;-). Again felt completely scared, isolated, but very positively surprised about the including warm welcome. Again, thank you so very much.